Sunday, September 13, 2009

And I Know It Well

I've lived between work, the gym, and the library the past 2 days in a mildly successful attempt at being a hermit. This style could work for me.. between 26+ hrs/wk at Temptations and at least 2 homework assignments due every weekday, it's kinda my only option. But Nancy is visiting me next weekend so that will be a nice break, we always have the most fun in Boston.

It's nice to finally have a cash flow again, although I'm already planning out fall purchases: a pygmy hedgehog, flannel shirtdresses with corresponding knee socks & tights, tall boots, and hopefully a trip to CA by December. Perhaps I should pay off my mounting credit card debt first? ..Perhaps.

Things to Work On: increasing motivation, decreasing procrastination, regaining self-assurance & self-esteem, stop smoking even just "socially" and (as always) stabilize my ever-fucked sleep pattern

It's already fall weather in Boston so I need to make a quick NJ trip to get all my winter clothes very soon, but I'm currently not stable enough to go back there. In due time.

Listened to Circa Survive at the gym, the song "Meet Me in Montauk" hit me hard from several directions. The reference in the title always reminds me of being 15, finding flowers on my doorstep with that note tucked in the morning after we watched 'Eternal Sunshine' together - that scribbled quote is still on my dresser at home, although it's presence is always overshadowed by his funeral card in my selective line of vision. Still, the first verse is conducent to the present, and the rest of it to (what should be) the past.

"Leave just as you came
Without a sound
Nothing to ruffle your ends
I've been wandering around
Making up movies in my head
So we say don't let it go
Let me try and pull out my pride
I already forget how I used to feel about you
Leave as fast as you came
No invitation, nowhere to go from here
I've been wandering around
Wondering how I got so, got so..
So fucking boring all of a sudden
So fucking scared (No I'm not scared)
You'd mean so much more to me
You'd mean so much more if I remembered"

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