Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Can't Keep Myself Away From Me.

my only final is in 13 hours. i'm just about to start reading this textbook for the first time of course. i haven't slept in 2 full days, typical. but hey i still feel phenomenal! things are too good. all it took was a step and now i'm fucking sprinting.

so goodbye to the laziest, most pointless college semester yet. ironically enough, i have learned more about myself during the past 3 months than i had in the past 3 years combined. funny, i've found that even my supposed flaws tend to benefit me.

now watch me talk myself out of my own thoughts. i am control.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


Suddenly between sheets & eyelids I am reminded why I don't do this..

boston tattoo! it's only 1/3 of the way done, eventually it's going to wrap around my entire hipbone. then i'm getting a yellow birdy on my ribs in omaha this summer when nancy and i roadtrip. THEN i'll connect the two into a full side piece, eventually, somewhere, something, one day.

things are incredible, school is over, i suddenly have more friends than i can even find the time to hang out with as much as i would like to, and several old and new boys just completely came out of the woodwork too which is a weird/amusing ego-boost. things are hectic and wonderful and i'm incredibly happy.

but alas, the morbid curiousity remains.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


Every person has the same face.
I revel in architecture, the ocean,
a hard rain or a new town.
My skin is constantly crawling.
Something in me always wants to keep going.
I'm always happy, but never content.
Most find comfort in old friends, a familiar haunt,
the safety net of consistency -
all I see are dead ends and someone I used to be.
Comfort itself make me anxious.
I'd rather live for change,
dive blindly into the unknown.
I am all I need,
but I remain utterly insatiable.

You're Just Damage Control

I am so glad this semester is ending so I can climb off the freakish rollercoaster that's been taking over my brain for the past couple months. Shit is slowing to a halt now but goddamn i was losing it for the first time in 5 years.

One short period of "clinical depression", laziness, and self-esteem issues is a very small price to pay in comparison to the huge way in which my life and brain and thoughts and outlook fucking rule 99.9% of the time. Although I did still promise my dad I'd go to a shrink or something, which I don't mind cause I've been meaning to get ADD medicine (legally) for a while now. Also I'm corking my uterus. And getting partial gum graft surgery. Think I'm kidding?

Spoke to my parents for the first time in 2months and went to nj for thanksgiving last week. Quality time in NYC with apk&co, nj adventures with apk & donny & randoms & nancy & briefly saw peter. GLASSJAW, BRAND NEW, MANCHESTER, KEVIN, &BRIAN all played in long island - incredible. went with my sisters and hung out with at least 12 other Devine family members, spanning 4 generations - too good.

just saw bonz again tonight at TTs with john nolan and personL, it was real fun and good hangs and i'm glad chris joined me THANKS FOR BEING A DOWN FOR ANYTHING FRIEND.

oh and i'm officially 104lbs, not quite quite at the goal but still a success that more than warrants being rewarded with a tattoo on monday - my 4th state tattoo (you deserve it, M.A.) and my 1st big/colored piece. it's also going to be a great excuse for me to take off my shirt and 'inadvertently' impress people with my incredible biceps and newly discovered triceps and hipbones. it'll be more subtle than that time last week when i forced my mom and sister into the bathroom to watch me flex in the mirror. Once again, think I'm kidding?

I didn't sleep or even go to bed last night so i don't know why i'm still awake at 4am, and now will end this narcissistic rant instead of listing off the 27things I am so excited for over the next week. that time will come i'm sure.