I Am Alive & That Is the Best That I Can Do

I shouldn't be on this because i'm in the middle of taking an internet hiatus, but I am failing so hard at most things right now that I can't help it. The hiatus was supposed to a) force me to actually do some homework and b) prevent me from seeing things on facebook/twitter that only make me cringe and overanalyze - which is stupid and creepy, because the internet is not a valid representation of real life.

OH and I wanted a record of what Nancy said to me the other day. I couldn't stop talking about something and when I apologized for it she told me she actually liked it because "she could see me soul" - hahah it made my day but i hate it. According to another friend I am a "closet human" and honestly I really don't like when people can see me as anything other than an emotional robot. Although it was my own choice to trade in that armor, I only put up a different wall and this one is giving me fucking ulcers. Whatever, as long as my 'soul is showing' i can go to human clubs instead of clubbing humans.. sup nancy.

Anyway I still feel godawful, I skipped 3 days of classes already and it's barely the 3rd week of school, I am completely behind in all of my homework INCLUDING the reflection still due from august - but I'm going to try now, really. I needed to fix my mental health a little bit before I could do anything else, so I don't feel too bad about it. I'd feel better if my mental health actually was improved, which it's not, but it's also not my fault or for lack of trying.




Been addicted to this Margot and the Nuclear So and So's song lately.. I love it in a really sick way though, seeing as I feel like a skeleton key most days.

"I did a sick, sick thing to my love
My lack of loyalty, it swallowed her up
And she cooked me food
She squirmed and turned
Like a skeleton key
She left her man and attended to me
And don't call me that
Don't claim you love me
Cause you know that ain't true
My dire affliction I'll attribute to you
And you're finally free
To twist and turn
Like a skeleton key
You've gotta let me know
I did a horrible thing to that girl
I bread my misery and drowned it in her
And she got me high
And I hardly noticed there were tears in her eyes
And I miss you less and less everyday
This stream of whiskey's helped to wash you away
And it's clear to see
You're nothing special
You're a skeleton key
You've gotta let me know"