best friend.

this rules.






...still nocturnal.

what the fuck

am i thinking?






static.

Everyone Feels Like You.

Getting back to boston tonight felt more like coming home than it ever has before. I made mashed potatoes and curled up in Allie's bed with her and later MikeyLife, just talking for 4 hours straight. And now my bedroomcave really feels like i belong in it. I guess it took a couple weeks away to notice that. Or maybe anything would feel like this after being subjected to extended periods of nj.

Anyway I'm glad I decided to stay here this semester. Gives me time to earn money and make plans to leave more in the future, hah. I always love where my life is, but right now I particularly love where I am in my head. It's a great balance of caring about a rare few people, while still needing nothing and no one at all. I'm not completely cold anymore, but other people still can't affect me. They just matter too little in the whole scheme of things.

2010. every year has gotten better and better since 2004, and i doubt this one will be any different. already feels amazing. fuck i'm happy.

Ohh, It Feels Good To Be Free..

Tonight, insomnia has caused me to watch How to Marry a Millionaire, Breakfast Club, Dirty Dancing, Obsession, and Hot Rod (for the 9th time). Oh and Seany and I watched the Prestige earlier - awesome movie. Clearly, I'm also greatly enjoying my new Macbook - my only christmas present, but so worth it.

So that was the first December i can remember that didn't completely suck for me, and a great New Years Eve as well. Marcellus broke down on 18 the other day so I got stuck in NJ longer than expected, but my sisters and i went to that Dillinger/UN/Thursday/Glassjaw show which completely overshadows any bad that has happened - it was stupid good. Plus it gave me some extra time to sort through some shit that's been weighing me down and finally sate this morbid curiosity, so I'm feeling extra phenomenal wild free.

Still, this is the longest consecutive amount of time I've spent in NJ in about 2 years and I am very ready to leave. The number of old friends I actually care to see here gets smaller with every visit and I couldn't care any less. I just belong with all my boys, my twin, and my soulmate in Boston. It's weird how I randomly acquired this slight ability to mildly miss/care about people again, but it's the most unexpected ones. Still not sure if I prefer roboticism to this, but I'm not going to think about it or try to plan out what I want - just letting go.


And goddamn do I have great things going for me right now. REAL excited to dive the fuck in.

Can't Keep Myself Away From Me.

my only final is in 13 hours. i'm just about to start reading this textbook for the first time of course. i haven't slept in 2 full days, typical. but hey i still feel phenomenal! things are too good. all it took was a step and now i'm fucking sprinting.


so goodbye to the laziest, most pointless college semester yet. ironically enough, i have learned more about myself during the past 3 months than i had in the past 3 years combined. funny, i've found that even my supposed flaws tend to benefit me.


now watch me talk myself out of my own thoughts. i am control.

HIGHLIGHTS

Suddenly between sheets & eyelids I am reminded why I don't do this..

boston tattoo! it's only 1/3 of the way done, eventually it's going to wrap around my entire hipbone. then i'm getting a yellow birdy on my ribs in omaha this summer when nancy and i roadtrip. THEN i'll connect the two into a full side piece, eventually, somewhere, something, one day.


things are incredible, school is over, i suddenly have more friends than i can even find the time to hang out with as much as i would like to, and several old and new boys just completely came out of the woodwork too which is a weird/amusing ego-boost. things are hectic and wonderful and i'm incredibly happy.


but alas, the morbid curiousity remains.